Is this going to be good for our relationship?

Recently, I was listening to the Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris. In this particular podcast, Harris was interviewing The Happiness Project author, Gretchen Rubin. She said something that resonated with me. I don't remember the exact context, but she posed the following question.

Is this going to be good for our relationship?

Now more than ever, how often do we find ourselves pressing our children to do something that we've asked of them? Our intentions come from a good place. We want them to be productive; we want them to be self-starters. Ultimately, we want them to be successful. That's not how it is perceived, though. Nagging. That is how it is perceived. We have to be careful; we have to tread lightly.

We should always be asking ourselves, is this going to be good for our relationship.

This idea stretches beyond the here and now circumstances of "homeschooling," working from home, and our global pandemic of COVID. It shouldn't matter if it is our children, or our students; our spouses, significant others, and family members, or our colleagues. Put your ego aside. Preserve the relationship, at all costs.

Let this question be our North Star. Now, as we navigate through this pandemic, and always. Because if there is no relationship, nothing else matters.

He's Resilient (and Kind)

I previously shared how things are going while trying to balance working from home and "homeschooling" my children (mainly my son, my wife kind of takes the lead with our daughter). If you didn't read my last post, or if you don't remember, I'll summarize it for you - I'm not considering myself an exemplar. We struggle quite a bit sometimes.

One night, recently, I sat down on the couch next to my son to chat with him. He clearly wasn't himself. Something was definitely bothering him. I asked him what was wrong. Nothing. I continued to ask. He was adamant in his response; tears began to well in his eyes, but nothing was wrong. I ceased all of my questioning. I told him that it's okay to be sad (or mad, or any other feeling that he might be experiencing); I told him that I'm feeling those things, too. I reassured him that this situation isn't what anyone wants, and that it won't last forever. I left it at that.

The next day was a full day for me. I'd had five Zoom meetings and helped serve lunch in the middle of them. At the conclusion of my final Zoom meeting, I dug into my email that had built-up throughout the day's work. Next thing I know my wife calls out, "Did Ryne get to his Zoom meeting?" I frantically checked the time. 5:40(ish)pm. His class Zoom meeting had started at 5:00pm. His head dropped. My heart sank. In the midst of my busy day, I'd failed to remind him/get him situated for his opportunity to connect with his friends and teacher.

Fortunately, he's resilient (and kind). He didn't make me feel any worse about it than how I was already feeling. In fact, he told me that it was okay; he would have another meeting in two-days.

Despite this (and my previous) post, be aware that it's not all gloom and doom for us. It ebbs and flows. Some days are hard. We're learning. Sometimes we have challenges. We keep trying.

Life is about perspective. And our current reality, living through this global pandemic, will no doubt enhance our perspective. My hope is that when we come out of this, we will have a new appreciation for the mundane; we'll realize that the things that we once thought of as challenging, might not have been as challenging as we had thought. If we can do this, we will be better as a result. And that's a silver lining.