Ten Days, Ten Things No.10

We made it.

t's December 31st, 2020; New Year's Eve, and we're here. We made it. It's been a year filled with bumps and curves, but there have also been plenty of bright spots and things to celebrate. And while they might be little, ordinary things, these are the moments that matter the most.

We're ready for whatever 2021 will bring. The good, the bad; the highs, the lows. Good-bye 2020. Happy New Year.

There's no context for this picture that would attract a multitude of likes via social media, but that's the point. It makes me think of the Ferris Bueller quote, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

This is the tenth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

I challenge you to come-up with your own list of things. Maybe it's not 10, maybe it's five, maybe it's three, or two, at least one. Look for the good. You'll find it; it's there. Sometimes you just have to seek it out.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.9

Sports weren't cancelled.

My son stays pretty busy participating in youth sports - football, basketball, and baseball. I also stay pretty busy helping coach all of those teams. I'm confident that he loves it; I know that I do.

We were finishing up our winter workouts for his baseball team and gearing-up to start the season when the pandemic hit. Like most things, our baseball season hit pause. We were unsure if there would be a baseball season. I doubted that it would happen. And as March turned to April and then April turned to May, it was becoming clear that my son was missing sports. Beyond the character traits and work habits that sports build, they also serve as physical, social, and mental outlets for the kids that participate.

Fortunately, in June, his baseball season started. And other than the delayed start, we were able to play the entire season without any problems. It was the first glimpse that we had of a return to normal, and it was great. Soon after the baseball season ended, we started flag football. We were also able to play the entire flag football season without any issues. Basketball hasn't been so seamless; there have been many bumps in the road (finding gym space where we are able to practice, having a deep enough rotation of players for games and tournaments, our Governor hitting the pause button on all youth athletics). Nonetheless, we're still playing basketball; it's been different, but we're playing.

This is the ninth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.8

School and Work.

My work is in a school. As an elementary school principal, I'm an educator and a leader. I enjoy the work that I do. Even in 2020, I enjoy the work that I do. It should be noted that I really enjoy the people that I am able to work with. Those two things are absolutely related.

Like most professions (and things), work has been different. It has been really weird, and it has been really hard. Fortunately, I am surrounded by exceptional colleagues and co-workers.

Our resilience has been pushed to the max. We've had to test our patience, our perspective, and our purpose. Although no one's fault, the lack of answers and direction is at times maddening; the plethora of new tools, platforms, and methods to learn is exhausting. The past nine months have been extremely uncomfortable. Yet, we're still here. Through the discomfort we are able to optimize our learning and our growth, and I am confident that as a result of this experience we will be stronger and better than we ever were before.

This is the eighth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.7

Travel?

Traveling with my family is one of the things that I love the most. When I first started brainstorming this list of things, travel was going to qualify only for the potential of a big trip being on the horizon in 2021. Upon further review, we've been able to travel in 2020. In a year when we've been living through a global pandemic, we've been able to travel. 

Last January, we spent a long weekend in Florida visiting family and going to Universal Studios. That seems like such a long time ago; a lifetime ago. Then, over spring break, we took another trip to visit my brother in Seattle. Unfortunately, we ended up being pretty limited in regards to what we could do while we were there as COVID concern amplified at a rapid rate.

We managed trips to both Florida and Seattle in 2020. That's both coasts. We're blessed; I'm aware, and I'm thankful.

*Bonus: we also took trips to Decorah where we spent time hiking, canoeing, and biking, and Des Moines for my son's baseball team's state tournament.

This is the seventh of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.6

Running.

Last year, I ran a marathon. This year, I had planned to run another marathon. I started the training plan, but had a hard time following the prescribed runs. So it was probably just as well that the marathon that I had planned to run ended up being cancelled.

Despite this, running has been one of my highlights of the year. Going into the year, I had a goal to run 2020 kilometers in 2020. That equates to running 1,255 miles. With only a few days left, this year, I have far exceeded that goal. I will end-up having run over 1,600 miles in 2020. This is the most that I've ever run.

I love running. I love the way that it makes me feel both physically and mentally. And despite so many things being cancelled, this year, running hasn't been one of them. Many races may have been cancelled, but running was not.

This is the sixth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.5

Time has slowed down. 

Typically, we stay pretty busy. Between school, work, activities for our kids, and the occasional plans with family and friends, free time can seem like an uncommon luxury in our household.

Since March, however, our go-go-go pace hasn't been continuous. There have been periods where it has come to a halt. And while I wouldn't want this to become the norm, the change of pace has been okay. As a family, we've done things that we wouldn't have normally done. 

We've been gifted more family time. Unlike most things, growing-up hasn't been put on pause. Our time with our kids isn't infinite. This additional time with them, these additional "mundane" moments shouldn't be taken for granted.

This is the fifth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.4

We've remained healthy.

In the midst of a global pandemic, my family has managed to maintain good health. I'm of the belief that this good fortune is part luck and part good decision making. Good decision making in regards to things such as exercise, diet, water consumption, rest and sleep, spending time outdoors - those things make a difference. Furthermore, in this era of COVID, wearing a mask, being extra diligent about washing your hands, social distancing, and limiting opportunities for exposure outside your home are things that are within our control. My family has tried to do these things to the extent possible; we've also had some good luck on our side.

*Bonus: we aren't out of the woods, yet. But at least there appears to be light at the end of the tunnel in regards to the pandemic that we're living through.

On a hike. We've probably done more hiking these past nine months than ever before.

This is the fourth of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.3

My daughter, Olivia, started playing softball.

I don't think that I've ever pushed either of my children to do something that they don't want to do. I've tried to allow them opportunities to do what they've wanted to do. Ryne has been consistently involved in football, basketball, and baseball camps, lessons, and leagues from an early age. I believe that he loves it.

His sister, Olivia, has spent many nights and weekends attending his games and cheering him on. She has done soccer, gymnastics, and dance in the past, but never seemed to become fully invested in any of those activities. This past summer, however, she decided that she wanted to play tee-ball. It's fun to think about how watching her brother in some way has inspired her to get involved.

The condensed tee-ball season went well, and she seemed to really enjoy it. Next thing you know, she's joining an 8U softball club and playing fall ball.

It is no secret that I love sports. And I believe that participation in sports is the ideal platform to build character. So needless to say, I am pleased to see Olivia eager to play softball.

*Bonus: in 2021, she plans to start playing rec league basketball.

Family photo after Olivia's first softball tournament.

This is the third of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.2

My wife, Amy, got a new job. 

More significantly, she got a new job in the Iowa City CSD. The Iowa City CSD is also where I am employed, and it is where our children attend school. This means that our entire family now operates on one calendar; we share all of the same days-off, breaks, vacations, etc. Furthermore, while our model of school has transitioned back and forth between being online and hybrid, it has been helpful (as we continue to navigate life and school through this global pandemic) for all of us to be in the same model at the same time.

*Bonus: Amy's teaching job is at the same school where our children attend.

First day of school photo; they're all headed to the same building.

This is the second of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Ten Days, Ten Things No.1

The Last Dance 

Not much was happening during March, April, and May of 2020. Schools were closed and sports at every level had been put on hold. Things were quite bleak with no definite end in sight, and ESPN capitalized on this opportunity. Every Sunday night, from April 19th to May 17th, the 90's Bulls captivated us for two-hours at a time with The Last Dance.

While the acclaim for the Last Dance was highly positive, it also served as a fond trip down memory lane. Like many kids who were growing-up in the 1990s, there was no team that I loved more than the Chicago Bulls. This was an opportunity to relive those memories. And the best part, I watched it all with my (then) nine-year-old son who was equally enthralled each Sunday evening.

The Last Dance was appointment viewing for my son and me.

This is the first of ten days where I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year (2020). This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

I'm Going to Start Writing

For the past five months, I haven't done much writing. In fact, I haven't published anything since the end of July. How come? I love writing. It's an activity that is therapeutic for me. Yet, I've been lacking inspiration.

Why not? Fear. Full disclosure, it's been a fear that others might perceive me writing as a poor choice of my time management. Why would I spend my time writing blogs when I could spend my time doing something else (?). I've let the fear of what other people might think prohibit me from doing something that I enjoy. 

For me, writing is self-care. It's modeling vulnerability. Furthermore, it is a communication tool that provides people an insight into my thinking and my values. As a leader, these are important things. 

I'm on day three of my winter break, and I'm going to start writing.

2020 is ending, and it has been a year. Over the next ten days, each day, I'm going to share one positive experience that I've had over the course of the year. This year has been hard, no doubt, but it hasn't all been gloom and doom. There have been highlights. And when you are looking for positives, you start to find more of them.

Proud of the Process

Last weekend, my son hit the ball extremely well during the stretch of a five game baseball tournament that we played. And while I don't know all of his statistics, I recall that he hit four doubles each one landing in a gap over the top of where the outfielders were playing. I'm sure that he felt proud of the way that he hit the ball.

I’m reading a couple of books, Win in the Dark (Joshua Medcalf and Lucas Jadin) and The Inner Game of Tennis (W. Timothy Gallwey), and listening to another, The Decision (Kevin Hart), that all emphasize the importance of mindset. For almost a decade, now, I’ve been a huge proponent of developing a growth mindset. A conclusion that I’ve drawn is that you can’t claim to have a growth mindset without being process driven. Consequently, when you’re focused on the process (and not necessarily the outcome) it is natural to embody the characteristics of a growth mindset.

Anyways... as I was reading and listening to these books, I started to reflect on my son’s weekend of baseball. As his Dad, I was extremely proud of him. However, I have to be really cautious about how I frame my praise and project my feelings to my son. If he understands my feelings of being proud of him for his extra base hits then I’ve missed my mark. 

If he thinks that I'm proud of him for hitting doubles, then he'll be led to believe that I'm not proud of him when he doesn't hit doubles.

Hitting a double every time that you come-up to bat isn’t sustainable. Putting in the work that allows you to prosper is within his realm of control; effort and preparation are sustainable. That's what I have to be sure to praise - his engagement in the process, which he partakes in that allows him to be able to get a few extra base hits over the course of a weekend. 

Here's my son in our garage getting some swings before we had to leave for his tournament games. This is winning in the dark. 

He chooses to take 50-75 swings on game days, before we leave, to best prepare himself. 

This is what makes me proud.

Books About Teaching

As an educator, three of my all-time favorite books that are directly related to education are as follows:

Troublemakers: Lessons in Freedom from Young Children at School, by Carla Shalaby. The New Press, 2017.

I read Shalaby's debut book in June 2018. To describe this book in a word, 'Wow!' And although it won't sit well with everyone that's okay; it's good to have our thinking stretched in ways that make us uncomfortable. Check, this book does that. Shalaby shares the school experience of four elementary school children before closing with a powerful letter to teachers.

"...schools value quiet children over loud ones and operate as though adults are the only teachers in the room. The adults get to speak while they young people listen. Questions are answered rather than asked. Our schools are designed to prepare children to take their assumed place in the social order rather than to question and challenge that order. (p. xvi) ...I am calling on all educators - those in our classrooms, in our homes, and on our streets - to embrace and to respond to the urgency of our collective need to teach love and to learn from freedom. (p. xviii) ...We cage the birds singing most loudly. (p. xx) ... Responding differently to our troublemakers is paramount to meeting our responsibilities as educators and as human beings." (p. 180)

 

Better than Carrots or Sticks: Restorative Practices for Positive Classroom Management, by Dominique Smith, Douglas Fisher, and Nancy Frey. ASCD, 2015.

I read this book in January 2016, and it was probably my first introduction to restorative practices. It was more than just a book about restorative practices, however. This book emphasized, at the foundational level, relationships and high quality instruction. Those are your starting points...for everything else! Furthermore, I would make a strong case that relationships precede high quality instruction.

"...restorative practices approach is a philosophy rather than a method. (p. 110) ...Restorative practices must be about reintegration, not marginalization. (p.113) ...restorative approach acknowledges that young people make mistakes in the process of growing up and that these mistakes provide them with an opportunity to learn. (p.114) ...formal restorative practices define justice as getting well rather than getting even." (p.116)

 

No More Taking Away Recess and Other Problematic Discipline Practices (No This but That), by Gianna Cassetta and Brook Sawyer. Heinemann, 2013.

I read this book in June 2015 because, despite being a tradition that is rooted deep in many schools, I knew that taking away recess was not an effective consequence. I was hopeful that this book would provide a list of alternative consequences for students for when they misbehave. It did not. Instead, it focused on the how to of building positive relationships; due to positive relationships we are better able to prevent the behaviors that once pigeonholed us into taking away recess.

"Through our relationships, we communicate to students what we expect of them - good and bad - and this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy." (p. 25) 

On the surface these are books about: behavior, discipline, classroom management, consequences, punishment, rules, etc. But these books are about much more than those narrow topics. These are books about anti-racism and how that can be influenced within education. They're books about our mindset and how that influences everything that we do and everyone that we come into contact with. They're books about relationships, love, and humanizing people; they're books that force us to focus on a process and not necessarily an outcome, which will require us to be patient. They're books that stress the importance of forgiveness. They are books about teaching.

That's Baseball. That's Life.

‪Sometimes you strike out. Sometimes you strike out looking. Sometimes you hit a ball great only to have it land right where the defender is positioned. Sometimes the defense makes a great play. Sometimes you throw a wild pitch. Sometimes the ball goes between your legs. Sometimes the ball pops out of your glove. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes you lose badly. ‬

‪That's baseball. That's sports. That's life. ‬

Our baseball team, my son's baseball team, the baseball team that I help coach went 0-5 last weekend.

Ouch. That's a lot of losing without any winning. It's easy to lose hope and become despondent when you lose five games in a row. 

Nonetheless, life is about perspective. Where are your silver linings? This was not time wasted. We got to play baseball. We got to compete. We got to experience, firsthand, the things that make sports great; we got to experience the things that build character.

A few days later, I read June 30th's entry in The Daily Stoic. "The Obstacle is the Way." What better opportunity for the nine year old kids on our team to practice, "the Stoic exercise of turning obstacles upside down, which takes one negative circumstance and uses it as an opportunity to practice an unintended virtue or form of excellence." (Holiday, Ryan. The Daily Stoic. New York, Portfolio/Penguin, 2016, 196.)

This is what I love about sports. Failure is a regular occurrence, and that makes for the ideal learning opportunity. In baseball, each at bat, each inning, each game is a new opportunity to do better than you did the time before.

"Every impediment can advance action in some form or another." (Holiday, The Daily Stoic, 196.) 

 

Top 10, Part 2

Previously, I created and then shared a list of ten people who inspire me (linked). In the midst of everything that is happening in our world, right now, I've noticed something unsettling about my list as it was being composed. Within my ten spots, I have one black person. Within my ten spots, I have one female. It's a pretty homogeneous group; there isn't a lot of diversity in regards to the people who I'm following.

I know that I need to step outside of my bubble. I'm open to any/all suggestions for who I need to add to my list so that it is has a more diverse representation. In the meantime, I'm reading things, I'm watching things, and I'm listening to things that will allow me to learn and better understand people who don't necessarily look like me.

Here's a few more lists of some things that I've consumed and that I'd recommend. I hope that you'll consider exploring some of the titles that I'm about to share. It will be worth your time.

What have I read, recently:

• All American Boys, by Brendan Kiely and Jason Reyonlds (Reading Now)
  
• The Crossover, by Kwame Alexander
• Dear Martin, by Nic Stone
• Ghost, by Jason Reynolds
• Ghost Boys, by Jewell Parker Rhodes (Reading Next)
• Look Both Ways, by Jason Reynolds
• The Hate U Give, by Angie Thomas
• Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You: A Remix of the National Book Award-winning Stamped from the Beginning, by Ibram X. Kendi and Jason Reynolds
• The Stars Beneath Our Feet, by David Barclay Moore

What have I watched, recently:

• 13th - This. Watch this.
• Fruitvale Station - so I didn't watch this recently, but it left such an impact that it immediately came to mind  light of our current situation.
• Just Mercy and Selma - these two movies are both FREE during the month of June on Amazon 
• Watchmen - I watched this series on HBO, last fall/winter. It's the one thing on this list of things that I've watched that is not like the others. I'm including it on this list because the first episode is how/when I first learned of the Tulsa Race Riot of 1921.
• When They See Us - so I didn't watch this recently, either. It's a four-episode series on Netflix that I watched, last summer. It's absolutely devastating (like most of these titles), but it's also absolutely outstanding.

What have I been listening to (podcasts), recently:

• '1619,' a podcast series from the New York Times - I especially recommend the first episode.
  
• Flying Coach with Steve Kerr and Pete Carroll
  "Gregg Popovich on America in 2020, the Leadership Void, and What Needs to Change"
  
• Unlocking Us
  "Brené with Ibram X. Kendi on How to Be an Antiracist"

I'm not saying that these titles on this list are the best of the best, but they are what I've consumed (and I've really enjoyed them). What would you add? Please share with me. I'm looking to continue my learning so that I can better understand.

Top 10, Part 1

I don't know what sparked this idea. I don't remember why I started this list of people. And I'm not entirely certain how to classify this list of people that I've created.

Nonetheless, this is a list of people who inspire me. It is a list of people who are sharing ideas and messages that excite me. This is a list of people who are creating content - articles, books, podcasts, videos, articles - that I am pushing to the top of my reading/listening/watching lists upon publication.

• Brene Brown - First I watched her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability." Then I read her book, Dare to Lead. And now I'm listening to her podcast (her voice is one of the ultimate voices for narrating a podcast), Unlocking Us. As I'm writing this, I'm questioning why have I only read one of her books?
  
  
• Pete Carroll and Steve Kerr - I am combining these two names to take-up one spot due to their partnership on the podcast that they co-host, Flying Coach. I love learning about leadership from sports. These two coaches are two of the very best in their respective sports.
  
  
• James Clear - He only has one book, Atomic Habits, but it's a great one. He has also made the rounds on the podcast circuit as an excellent guest; two that I'd highly recommend are Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris, "194 Atomic Habits,  James Clear," and The Rich Roll Podcast, "Episode 401 James Clear." His 3-2-1 Thursday (3 ideas, 2 quotes, and 1 question) newsletter is one that I subscribe to and read regularly. And the one thing that distinguishes Clear from every other person on this list is the Clear Habit Journal that he has created and I use, daily.
  
  
• Tim Ferris - He is an author, but I've never read any of his books. He has a newsletter, 5-Bullet Friday that I subscribe to and a podcast, The Tim Ferris Show that I love. His podcast is on the lengthier side (almost always over an hour, and sometime beyond two hours), but his guest list and the content discussed is exceptional. Worth noting about the guest list for his podcast seems to be the diverse areas of expertise that they bring to each episode. He may have Jamie Foxx or Arnold Schwarzenegger one episode, Dr. Jane Goodall the next, and either Ryan Holiday or Jocko Willink to follow
  
  
• Malcolm Gladwell - He has a podcast, Revisionist History, which is good. It's his books, however, which are great and why he has a spot on my list. If you're looking for one to introduce yourself to Gladwell, my favorite is David and Goliath.
  
  
• David Goggins - The only member of the U.S. armed forces to ever to complete training as an Air Force Tactical Air Controller, Army Ranger, and Navy Seal. He is also considered to be one of the world's best ultra-endurance athletes. I highly recommend that you listen to the audio-book version Can't Hurt Me, which is the book that he wrote. His message motivates. 
  
  
• Jon Gordon - I had the pleasure of listening to Gordon speak during a School Administrators of Iowa conference some years ago. Positivity is his platform. He's written numerous books that are quick and easy reads; they are written as stories to give insight that will allow us to better ourselves as individuals. Recently, I was introduced to his Positive University Podcast where he interviews guests - many of whom are coaches.
  
  
• Ryan Holiday - The writer who turned-me on to the teachings of stoicism. Holiday's books include a stoic influenced trilogy of The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy, and Stillness is the Key (my personal favorite). He also has a podcast, The Daily Stoic with is definitely worth a listen (episodes range from a couple of minutes to under an hour).
  
  
• Joshua Medcalf - I've read one of his books, Chop Wood Carry Water, and listened to another, Pound the Stone. Chop Wood Carry Water is easily in the conversation for books that earn a spot on my Mt. Rushmore of books. Medcalf preaches process, which is a message that has me all ears. I'm counting down the days until his next book, Win in the Dark, is released.
  
  
• Jocko Willink - A retired officer of the United States Navy who also served in the Navy SEAL teams, has become one of my favorite authors and podcasters. His content is geared towards leadership and discipline, and it is great. As a Dad, I am especially fond of his Way of the Warrior Kid book series and the message that it conveys to kids.
  

None of the people on this list work in schools, but they are teachers. None of the content that the people on this list share is in regards to school, yet it is has value in education. You see, I strongly believe in personal development over professional development. And the ideas and messages that these 10 people share will undoubtedly make us better people, which in-turn makes us better educators, principals, teachers, etc.

So this is my list. It certainly doesn't end at 10 names, but for the sake of this post that is where I decided to draw the line. I'm curious to know, who would you make a case for me to add to my list?  Please share with me. And also, if you took the time to read this post, I hope that I've made a strong enough case that you're now motivated to explore at least one of the names that I've mentioned. It will be worth your time.

Listen, Learn, and Understand. Be an Ally.

Writing brings me mental clarity. It's therapeutic for me. I enjoy it.

The other night, my family and I attended a peaceful protest to combat police brutality, racism, inequity, and injustices. It was a humbling experience.

Within the messages, several ideas resonated with me that I'd like to capture and share.

• I can't walk in your shoes. But I can LISTEN and LEARN in an attempt to UNDERSTAND.
• Be an ally for you.

A thought that resonated with me the most, however, came in reference to talk of mass incarceration and the assassinations of black historical figures. And while I don't recall the direct quote, one of the speakers posed the question, how would your life be different if all of your fathers and all of your leaders were continually taken-away from you? This question underscored my privilege; it really left an impact with me and forced me to reflect. 

Shortly after the protest, while putting my nine-year-old son to bed, I ran through a daily list of prompts with him. When I asked him about something that's worrying him, he responded with being worried that racism won't end.

In 2004, Kanye West rapped, "Racism's still alive, they just be concealin' it." In light of recent events, it is apparent that racism remains a harsh reality. Nonetheless, I'm hopeful. One of my favorite movie lines, from one of my favorite movies - The Dark Knight - "The night is darkest just before the dawn."

I've spent a lot of time during the past week, or so, listening, reading, and watching content related to the social injustices that have taken and continue to take place. I'll start to close with a few more ideas that have caused me to further reflect and stretch thinking that I'd grown-up believing.

• It's not enough to not be a racist. Not being a racist is passive. Being passive towards racism allows for racism to continue. We have to be active anti-racists.
• People aren't racist. People do racist things. 
• It is harmful to say that we don't see color. Color is a part of who we are. What's harmful is to treat someone different because of their color.

We all have bias, and that's not wrong. As I imagine Brene Brown telling us, we need to lean-in. Embrace being uncomfortable in an effort to learn and grow. I'm listening, I'm learning, and I'm trying to better understand. I want to be an ally.

Is this going to be good for our relationship?

Recently, I was listening to the Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris. In this particular podcast, Harris was interviewing The Happiness Project author, Gretchen Rubin. She said something that resonated with me. I don't remember the exact context, but she posed the following question.

Is this going to be good for our relationship?

Now more than ever, how often do we find ourselves pressing our children to do something that we've asked of them? Our intentions come from a good place. We want them to be productive; we want them to be self-starters. Ultimately, we want them to be successful. That's not how it is perceived, though. Nagging. That is how it is perceived. We have to be careful; we have to tread lightly.

We should always be asking ourselves, is this going to be good for our relationship.

This idea stretches beyond the here and now circumstances of "homeschooling," working from home, and our global pandemic of COVID. It shouldn't matter if it is our children, or our students; our spouses, significant others, and family members, or our colleagues. Put your ego aside. Preserve the relationship, at all costs.

Let this question be our North Star. Now, as we navigate through this pandemic, and always. Because if there is no relationship, nothing else matters.

He's Resilient (and Kind)

I previously shared how things are going while trying to balance working from home and "homeschooling" my children (mainly my son, my wife kind of takes the lead with our daughter). If you didn't read my last post, or if you don't remember, I'll summarize it for you - I'm not considering myself an exemplar. We struggle quite a bit sometimes.

One night, recently, I sat down on the couch next to my son to chat with him. He clearly wasn't himself. Something was definitely bothering him. I asked him what was wrong. Nothing. I continued to ask. He was adamant in his response; tears began to well in his eyes, but nothing was wrong. I ceased all of my questioning. I told him that it's okay to be sad (or mad, or any other feeling that he might be experiencing); I told him that I'm feeling those things, too. I reassured him that this situation isn't what anyone wants, and that it won't last forever. I left it at that.

The next day was a full day for me. I'd had five Zoom meetings and helped serve lunch in the middle of them. At the conclusion of my final Zoom meeting, I dug into my email that had built-up throughout the day's work. Next thing I know my wife calls out, "Did Ryne get to his Zoom meeting?" I frantically checked the time. 5:40(ish)pm. His class Zoom meeting had started at 5:00pm. His head dropped. My heart sank. In the midst of my busy day, I'd failed to remind him/get him situated for his opportunity to connect with his friends and teacher.

Fortunately, he's resilient (and kind). He didn't make me feel any worse about it than how I was already feeling. In fact, he told me that it was okay; he would have another meeting in two-days.

Despite this (and my previous) post, be aware that it's not all gloom and doom for us. It ebbs and flows. Some days are hard. We're learning. Sometimes we have challenges. We keep trying.

Life is about perspective. And our current reality, living through this global pandemic, will no doubt enhance our perspective. My hope is that when we come out of this, we will have a new appreciation for the mundane; we'll realize that the things that we once thought of as challenging, might not have been as challenging as we had thought. If we can do this, we will be better as a result. And that's a silver lining.

Dear Whoever #COVID19

Dear whoever might benefit from this,

Rewind to the time when this school closure was first announced, my initial reaction (personally, for the development of my own children and my relationship with them) was both excited and optimistic. We were going to work on building character, developing soft skills, and enhancing work habits. Previously, my son and I had read Way of the Warrior Kid by Jocko Willink. We both enjoyed both the story and the message within the book, and I felt as though this would be the ideal time to instill Willink's mantra - 'Discipline Equals Freedom' - into my son.

We started off strong. We had a good balance of academic work, time spent on extracurricular activities and hobbies, and personal development. I was able to balance work obligations and provide guidance for my nine-year-old son. We weren't thriving, but our heads were above water.

But this is not a sprint; this is a marathon. The longer that this COVID-19, quarantine, work from home saga continues the more I find myself struggling. Marathon runners know that the wall is typical to occur around the 20th mile when the glycogen within the muscles becomes depleted. All of a sudden, when you hit the wall, you're running on empty.

Our family of four has been at home for four plus weeks. We're still tweaking our routines to try to find what works best for us. Emphasis on the word still (it's definitely a work in progress). Anyways, last week, on one particular day, I was going to be engaged in consecutive Zoom meetings from about 9am to 4pm. Knowing that, before the day got going, I'd given my son a list of six things to do. We talked about how he would have seven hours to accomplish six things; he could accomplish them in any order. I suggested that he might want to do three before lunch and three after lunch. Whatever time he had left, after completing his six tasks, he was free to use as he chose.

At about 4:30pm that day, I got around to checking-in with my son. He was playing Xbox (this has been his preferred activity while school has been closed and he hasn't been allowed to engage with his friends). I asked him how his day had gone; he responded that it had been fine. I asked him if he'd accomplished all of the things that I'd asked him to get done. He had not.

I was running on empty and all of a sudden I'd hit the wall. I'd become irritable. I was frustrated. Why hadn't he done the six things that I'd laid out for him to do? It was only six things? He'd had seven hours to get them done.

This was a reality check. It kind of cut me down that my son wasn't all-in with the principles behind 'Discipline Equals Freedom.' These are principles that I believe in, and I believe that most of what I've accomplished in my life are a result of these principles. Personally, more than any Iowa Core math and/or literacy standard, Discipline Equals Freedom is what I wanted my son to learn (to live) during this school closure.

Check yourself, Eric. He's nine years old. He's frustrated that he is no longer able to be with his friends. He's bored when he's stuck at home all-day long and his Mom and Dad have to be engaged with work throughout most of the day. I quickly realized that I needed to temper my expectations. This was not his fault. It is not my fault. It is no one's fault.

We had a conversation. I reassured him that I was not mad at him. I told him that the situation that we are in is not fair. I told him that I'm aware he doesn't like it, and that I don't like it either. I further described it using the most appropriate expletive that I could think of using with a nine-year-old.

It's probably the first of several conversations that we'll have to continue to have while this quarantine persists. I don't have any sense of false hope that everything will become copacetic as a result of any isolated conversation. Life lessons are learned over time. They are learned through persistence, they are learned through kindness, and they are learned through love. Learning thrives with persistence, kindness, and love.

Leadership - Doggone it, people like me. #MyOneWord, 3 of 3

Hello, Michael. I don't have to be a great basketball player...All I have to do is be the best Michael I can be. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. Do you remember that daily affirmation from Michael Jordan with the assistance of Saturday Night Live's fictional character, Stuart Smalley? 

We don't go into leadership for people to like us. We go into leadership to make a difference. We go into leadership to do work that aligns with our beliefs and our values. Not everyone will agree with the direction of our work. And that's okay.

"I'm not a leader, he thought angrily. Not until you start swimming against the tide." (p.380)

The Wizenard Series: Training Camp. Created by Kobe Bryant. Written by Wesley King

No one said that leadership would be easy. It's not. It's possible, however, with confidence.

Leadership requires confidence.That confidence is fostered when leaders know the things that they value. Our values are our North Star; we must be loyal to them and let our values guide our decisions and our work. This is especially true when our decisions and work become difficult; these are the times to fall back on our values, and do so with confidence.

So ask yourself, as a leader, what are your values? Are you able to identify them? Can you articulate them?

*This is the third of a brief, three part series that I've written to share some of my thoughts on leadership and confidence, my #OneWord in 2020.

Leadership - What It Is. My #OneWord, 2 of 3

Recently, in the middle of a run while I was listening to Ryan Hawk's The Learning Leader Show featuring Simon Sinek, I came to the revelation that leadership isn't about solving other people's problems. Instead, leadership is about providing the conditions and supports so that other people can grow.

Leadership - Am I Enough? My #OneWord, 1 of 3

Am I enough? I can't tell you how many times I ask myself that question.

To some, yes. To others, no.

As a leader, I sometimes struggle with the Imposter Syndrome. The imposter syndrome as defined by Ryan Holiday in his book Stillness is the Key is "nagging, endless anxiety that you're not qualified for what you're doing - and you're about to be found out for it" (p.70). Sheesh!

It was around New Year's while I was reading Stillness is the Key; it was also around this time when people were sharing their One Word. My word, which I'm just now getting around to sharing (late-February), was inspired by what Holiday had to say about how we combat the imposter syndrome. Confidence. Confidence is my word in 2020.

• "Confident people know what matters. They know when to ignore other people's opinions...

• ...Confidence is the freedom to set your own standards and unshackle yourself from the need to prove yourself." (p.72)

• "But confident people are open, reflective, and able to see themselves without blinders. All this makes for stillness, by removing unnecessary conflict and uncertainty and resentment." (p.72/73)

• "Confidence is what determines whether this will be a source of anguish or an enjoyable challenge." (p.73)

*This is the first of a brief, three part series that I've written to share some of my thoughts on leadership and confidence, my #OneWord in 2020.

My Musings about Email Pt.2

This is the second of two posts that I've written to share my musings about email (Part 1 is linked here). While the majority of the first post centered around receiving email, this second post will focus on some tips and tricks for sending email. Here they are; take them for what they're worth, though, they're purely based off of my experiences with email.

Punctuation - use it sparingly; standard punctuation rules apply to email, too.

Fonts - the companies that provide email service, in my opinion, they have a pretty good idea of what they're doing. The standard fonts that they are using are probably a pretty safe bet.

Bullets, bold, and other text features - use these things with caution; if everything is in bold, you might as well have nothing in bold.

Long paragraphs - avoid them at all costs.

Multiple long paragraphs - definitely avoid them at all costs...if you want people to read what you have to say.

One action item per email - the likelihood that the action item is accomplished will significantly increase if it is limited to one item.

Not for dialogue - no one has time for this. Pick-up the phone - call or text - or find the person to have the conversation in real time.

Not for delivering bad news - again, pick-up the phone, go find the person, talk to them. No one wants to be delivered bad news, have questions that they want answered, but have to wait for a response. Furthermore, the tone in which an email is read is too open for interpretation; so be careful, be very careful. Plus, think about the time that we spend drafting emails that we are apprehensive about sending; think about how much time we'd save by opting for a conversation, think about how much time we'd have to do other worthwhile things.

Don't let your feelings dictate your response - receive an email that causes you anger and/or gives you feelings of anxiety, walk away from it. I caution you to hesitate with your response via your initial reaction right away. Give yourself time to reflect and make sure that your head is in a good place before responding. I can't tell you how many times I've drafted emails only to send them to myself as opposed to the intended audience. While my response might make me feel good, I know that in the long run it is unlikely to do the situation any good. Like I said in my previous post, I'd rather respond well than respond quickly.

“The email you think you need so desperately to respond to can wait.” 

- Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key, p.225

While this post may seem to be another post about email, it is really about mindfulness and self-care. Recently, I started reading Sakyong Mipham's book, Running with the Mind of Meditation. I was astounded by the coincidence of my finding the following quote while drafting this post.

"When we become overwhelmed by longer hours at work, more e-mails, or more parenting duties, we become more irritable, moody, or unhappy. It doesn't occur to us that our mind is out of shape. We put more stress on ourselves because we assume we should just be able to handle it all." p.24

Take care of yourself. Self care isn’t selfish. As educators, our job is to take care of others. But we can’t care for others, if we haven’t first cared for our self. We can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care matters. You deserve it.

My Musings about Email Pt.1

As a form of communication, email as we know it has been around since the early part of the 1970s. Its popularity skyrocketed during my childhood in the mid 1990s, and it's usage has never looked back. Currently, according to Radicati, the number of active email users is approximately 3.9 billion. And those 3.9 billion emailers are sending over 245 billion emails, each day. That equates to the average American worker receiving an average of 126 emails per day. Wow!

"Email Usage Statistics in 2019." Campaign Monitor, July 11, 2019, https://www.campaignmonitor.com/blog/email-marketing/2019/07/email-usage-statistics-in-2019/.

I am willing to admit that the inbox of my email can cause me anxiety. And I'm guessing that I'm not the only one. I'd imagine that other people dread their inbox the same way that I do. So while this post may seem to be one about email, it is really about mindfulness and self-care.

So how can we navigate through our emails? This is the first of two posts that I've written to share my musings about email. I have some ideas and tips to share will hopefully will help anyone who has to both send and receive emails.

I want to start with a passage from Ryan Holiday's book, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living.

“We check our email because it’s part of our job, and soon enough we feel the phantom buzz of the phone in our pocket every few seconds. Soon enough, these harmless habits are running our lives.” p.16

Who can relate to those words? I do. And as much as I love Apple and all of the products that they create, I feel as though they (and the other companies that make similar products) are at least partly to blame for allowing email to run our lives. I have an iPhone, I wear an Apple watch, I'm always accessible.

Nonetheless, I've done things to shield myself from this reality. A game changing conversation at the National Principals Conference in Philadelphia, 2017 (with friends Danny Bauer, Hamish Brewer, Andy Jacks, Nick Proud and Todd Schmidt) about strategies to employ such as turning-off notifications on your phone, putting your phone on airplane mode, and hiding apps within folders to name a few. These are things that we need to do for our own mental wellness.

I remember being a first year principal and how great it was to be given an iPad that I could take with me as I maneuvered through the school. Two birds and one stone. I was able to do the work that mattered, be in classrooms visiting with students and teachers, while having access to receiving and responding to email as it arrived. Inbox Zero was always my goal. But there's a problem with striving for Inbox Zero; as soon as you get you reach Inbox Zero it is only a matter of time before you will receive a new email. Email never stops (more on that in a couple of paragraphs).

I've changed in the sense that I've had to become okay without striving for Inbox Zero. I now try to carve-out time that I can read and respond to emails. While some emails only need a simple response, others require a more thoughtful reply; I'd rather respond well than respond quickly. As a general rule, I try to respond to email within 24 hours. And just because email is easier, or at least more convenient, it doesn't meant that it's the best form of communication. If/when possible, talk to the person; always.

So email never stops. Okay, true. But as individuals, we can slow it down. While I may draft emails and responses to emails at night and over the weekend, I try to refrain from sending emails during those times; I want to be respectful of people's time for self, family, and friends.

As I start to wrap this up, I'll share another quote from Ryan Holiday, this time from his book Stillness is the Key.

“As a general, Napoleon made it his habit to delay responding to the mail. His secretary was instructed to wait three weeks before opening any correspondence. When he finally did hear what was in a letter, Napoleon loved to note how many supposedly “important” issues had simply resolved themselves and no longer required a reply.
He had to be selective about who and what kind of information got access to his brain.” p.30

I wrote the following words for a previous post that I shared via NAESP's Principal magazine, but I'll remind you, "A mentor once told me that there is rarely an educational emergency." You shouldn't expect email to be instantaneous, it isn't going anywhere.

I hope that at least some of this resonates with you. While the majority of this post centers around receiving email, I'll focus on some tips and tricks for sending email in the follow-up that I have drafted. And since you've made it this far with this first post, I hope that you'll consider coming back to read the next one.