Behavior. Part I

The other day, while I was out of the building for various meetings and professional learning, a lot of the conversations were geared toward behavior.

Via GiF Tenor

Behavior is a complicated thing, and it gets even more complicated when we automatically start thinking about related things like discipline, consequences, and...wait for it...punishments. It's difficult to find two people, let alone a team of people, who share the same philosophies regarding these things - what they are, what they aren't, why behavior happens, how to respond to it, etc.

Ask me to define discipline. This is the first thing that will come to my mind.

But I have my beliefs, we all have our beliefs - shaped by our experiences with our parents and as parents, the schools that we went to and the schools that we've worked at, the learning that we've done on our own and the learning that's been delivered to us, I could go on...there are a lot of things that lead us to our individual beliefs about behavior.

Kelley McCall, a Principal friend in Kansas, create the above image based off of a previous conversation we had

I don't know that conversations are greater than consequences. I think that conversations are consequences. I am partial to conversations as a consequence. Conversations humanize the person exhibiting the misbehavior, they build relationships with the person exhibiting the misbehavior (which will then hopefully reduce the potential for the misbehavior to continue and/or repeat), and they provide teaching opportunities in regards to the misbehavior.

I mentioned relationships in that last paragraph. They matter. A lot. Good luck having one of those conversations with someone who you don't already have a preexisting relationship with. Relationships are foundational.

Something else to consider when having those conversations after misbehavior is timing. There are appropriate times, and inappropriate times. The conversations will only be effective if they take place during the appropriate times. That means, they might have to wait until a child is a little more calm. You might need to do something to distract the child. Distraction is a go to tactic in these situations of misbehavior.

And then we teach. Again, and again we teach. (If a child doesn't know how to behave, we... (previous post, linked)). Behavior doesn't change instantaneously. Unfortunately, sometimes, it can take a really long time to change. However, in order to change the behavior, you don't punish it out of someone; you change behavior by repeated teaching, over time.

Stay-tuned for a follow-up post (Behavior. Part II), next week...